Growing Up

Sexual Harassment. On The Bus

January 27, 2010

“I hate that girl! She’s evil!” Eleven year old Oscar cascades down the bus steps followed by his brother George. A neighbor girl and her brother also emerge, and they confer briefly out of earshot. Kids in winter coats push through the knot of us standing there and stream away in all directions. ‘I HATE [...]

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Wearing His Mother’s Shoes

January 18, 2010

Oscar has shot up in that pre-adolescent growth spurt, now a foot taller than his childhood friend, Rachel. His mom’s shoes are casual, unisex; it’s not the gender but the size I’m talking about here, for a change. Oscar is just growing up. At 11, Oscar has trimmed his waist length, dirty blond hair to [...]

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Camp I Am: A time, and a Place, to Be

November 10, 2009

The children crowd together, laughing and giggling, teetering in high-heeled shoes, wigs, go go boots; dresses and gowns. Some are wearing street clothes, but also a hat; a flowing scarf; a necklace. They fidget beside a runway flanked by 200 folding chairs, waiting for the show to begin. Some of the children are obviously girls—though [...]

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The Little Girl, The Rock Star, and Normal 2.0

November 8, 2009

If you’re the type of person who liked to think of themselves as hip; creative; bohemian, unbound by convention, having your first kid can be a humbling experience. Because as it happens, you enter a world of norms. You find yourself saying the things that everyone says, cliches you might call them, if they didn’t [...]

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Halloween: The Lion, The Witch, and The Boy Who Lived.

November 1, 2009

The one day a year that men in drag don’t warrant a second glance? Halloween. For kids, though, it’s different. The Halloween costume is important. Will your kid be a superhero? Harry potter? An animal? A hobo? A criminal? A franchised character spat out of Cartoon Network, Nick Jr, or the Vast Unstoppable Disney Juggernaut? [...]

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Before I Got It

October 24, 2009

There was only one moment when the appearance of my son in his boy-skirt induced a surge of humilation. The family was out in public, Oscar in the Boy Skirt, and I was uncomfortably going with the flow. I didn’t have a lot of friends in the immediate neighborhood, my son was three years old, [...]

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The Day The World Didn’t End

October 3, 2009

My first-born son was in the second grade, on the day the world didn’t end. I had resigned from the gender police; dressing Osar was up to my wife. In my defense, I’m not a clothes person. Periodically my wife buys me clothes—when the ones I have start to fall apart or become so stained [...]

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The Boy Skirt

September 24, 2009

My wife didn’t think interest in skirts was strange, so the dress-up moved into the house. She had an old floral skirt, a swishy, furled thing, which became Oscar’s. He wore it to pieces. I took my cues from her, hoping it was just a phase (even though I knew it wasn’t.) I’m not sure [...]

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Before We Knew

September 23, 2009

There’s a line, in Monty Python’s The Meaning Of Life, which I quote when I speak at gender conferences. A woman has just given birth, and covered in sweat, exhausted, she asks the doctor, “Is it a boy or a girl?” The doctor says, “It’s a little early to be imposing roles on it, don’t [...]

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Goodbye, Cinderella

February 19, 2009

A father say’s goodbye to the young boy princess, with love, consternation, and gratitude.

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