I’ve been in contact with producers from ABC and NOVA who had read my Slate piece, saying that they were interested in talking to me about accepting families of gender non-conforming kids. ABC is apparently thinking about revisiting the Barbara Walter’s Trans kids story they did.
I launched into The Story of Oscar, and my own bit about The Excluded Middle; the stories of dramatically gender non-conforming kids who do not socially transition or have hormonal intervention. The story of living with ambiguity.
Having consulted with Patricia Brown on her groundbreaking New York Times article, and Hannah Rosin on her piece for the Altantic, I have experience with trying to convey the story of ambiguity. In general, our story doesn’t make the final cut in any substantial way.
By protecting younger and less dysphoric children from media scrutiny, parents of gender non-conforming kids have allowed the conversation to be dominated by those for whom acceptance is a matter of life and death; those born in the wrong body who need immediate social transition and hormonal intervention.
While strongly supporting the rights of these children to the care and acceptance they need, I’m trying to work towards a more nuanced media presentation of the gender spectrum in kids. I’d like to see my own family, and countless others, reflected in this coverage.
I feel that this greater visibility of born-in-the-wrong body can feed into a paradoxical reinforcement of the gender binary, and a new layer of well meaning confusion. I also think this focus triggers conservative back-lash, as all accepting families are portrayed as hell bent on surgically altering kids with the slightest interest in cross gender play.
I’ll keep people here posted on any future developments.
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Hi- I found your blog through another supportive blog.
My name is Shelli Hutchinson and I am the parent of a 6 year old that identifies as a boy but the parts don’t match his feelings. We just changed schools in our district so he is able to be free to be who he is.
I have not met any other families that have this situation…instead I know many in the reverse as in your home. I am interested in helping in any way to bring this to light and to find other contacts and resources. I love that they may be remaking the Barbara Walter’s special and I would like more of the gender spectrum highlighted.
I am glad to have found you! Be in touch!
truly- Shelli Hutchinson
shelli.hutchinson@mac.com
410-908-6444
y’know. I kind of wonder about these types of shows. They all seem like they’re coming from a position of caring, but somehow I get the feeling that it’s more voyeuristic, and what comes across to me is almost like, “well America, here’s another case of just not normal people”. Based on what i’ve seen at wal-mart I’m not sure that “not normal” isn’t in fact normal.
on the other hand, it is possible that by getting this out more in the open that there will be even more acceptance for people as to who they are.
I really think the whole matter hinges upon what society thinks is acceptable from time to time. Over time, women have adopted men’s clothing and fashions and today society thinks that’s perfectly fine, and in fact encouraged, yet I still wonder WHY that aspect is encouraged, but a man wearing a skirt is like the very fall of western civilization before our very eyes. very odd to me.
It was kind of funny because it was hot recently and I was building some stuff, and had rolled up my cargo shorts. my wife commented that I should roll them down, that it looked odd, and that the next thing you know I’d be wearing daisy duke’s. I think that’s an odd commentary since I know she’d be really upset if I commented on her proclivity to wear what looks like to me like men’s T-shirts and basketball shorts, in colors that are not readily identified as feminine colors. Don’t misunderstand me, I love my wife, but was merely thinking about why she in particular had these viewpoints, but when I asked she couldn’t quite explain it. It was just kinda because. Which tells me that social images have been ingrained that she, and others, just don’t even question where and why they exist. For the feminine side, all colors are their colors, all styles are their styles. the masculine side-not so much.
So I think rather than examining the kids and their families I think we should start out by examining where our social judgments come from, how they are developed, and strenghtened. I suspect we’ll find out how to be more accepting in lots more areas than just this if we begin there.
finally, in passing, I also think that we need to redifne our rather narrow viewpoint of what is a man or what is a woman. To me, a man has the ability to impregnate and a woman the ability to conceive and deliver a new child into the world.
Beyond that I think most distinctions, other than thought process and how they developed as an individual viewing their experiences via their own lens, the distinctions are outside made, and are therefore not Real in the capital R sense of the word, but merely contrived and accepted for some unknown reason, for some unknown benefit.
Mark; I agree that these shows sometimes feel like they’re exploiting the very groups they appear to be advocating for. It’s a fine line. One of the things that drives me crazy, as I’ve mentioned, is that by exclusively focusing on ‘born in the wrong body’, they enflame the issue, by making it seem like all parents who accept their kids are somehow eager for their children to have sexual reassignment surgeries and sterilizing hormone treatments.
In terms of gender norms and the very notion of gender, there seems to be some science behind the notion that we have a hardwired notion of male/female, and culture tells us what to put in those categories. It makes sense that organisms should want to be able to tell the difference between male and female for a variety of reasons.
Thanks for the comment, Ejayo. It is a fine line that journalists tread in these matters. Some are better than others.
I also agree with you on gender identification issues and biology, and eventual mate selection. It is important. Perhaps at the underlying issue is that in this hardwire unknown area of our brains, we are “scared” that if there is not a way to readily identify male versus female, especially by social cues, we will not be able to sufficiently continue the species. Based on the rates of human population growth I don’t see that as an overall problem.
To me all chimpanzees look the same, there don’t seem to be readily identifiable social accessory signs in the everyday activities, such as barrettes, or carrying around hammers, but based on smells, or other signs exhibited while not in a mating cycle, they obviously know which is which. On the other hand, most animals/fish/birds have color variations, or plumage that differentiates the sexes, which perhaps determine their overall social structure too. Just a thought.
But I think that we do need to move away of the rather subjective views of personal taste and preferences that some then will determine if a person is gay or straight, or even ambivalent. It is solely up to the individual to determine their expression, be happy with their choices and expression, and then everybody else then gets to experience that however they wish without harming the other for their experience of themselves. To me that’s the bottom line.
Thanks for your post. My child is an affirmed female (6 years old). One of the great things the Barbara Walters and Lisa Ling segment did for us was to identify that there are transgender children. When my daughter saw the Barbara Walters show, she said, “Mom, that’s me!” I think it educated both of us to something we didn’t realize existed. Today, she is a happy, well-adjusted girl.
I always try to tape transgender related shows, so that she can see there are other kids like her. She wasn’t interested at all in the Nightline show. Your comments explained to me why the show made me uncomfortable as well.
So, that said, I think there’s a value in educating parents, children and the world about what being trans is. But also, there are not-s0-good ways to tell the story as evidenced by Nightline.
Thanks for giving me something to think about.
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