Comments on: Before I Got It

By: Bella Girsole

Bella Girsole — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 17:33:30 +0000

I am touched by your reflections on the struggle to reach acceptance. It is like crossing a wide raging river to reach the banks of unconditional love.

I’ve struggled with accepting my son’s differences for years (learning disabilities, ADHD, anti-social, depression…) and I wondered if I’d ever truly accept him for who he is without all the baggage of my anxiety worrying about who he’ll be in the future.

I found the book, The Water Giver, by Joan Ryan, to be very insightful on the journey to unconditional love.

By: Bedford Hope

Bedford Hope — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 18:48:19 +0000

Thanks for your kind words. As a quasi outsider my whole life it was not much of a leap for me. I think it’s harder for people who have never known the joys and sorrows of being different. Every act of acceptance moves us towards a better world. That acceptance doesn’t have to be perfect to be the expression of true and deep love.

By: Michael

Michael — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 22:48:10 +0000

This meant so much to me.
I’m a genderqueer male who wears skirts when en pleases. Your son is so lucky to have a dad like yours.
My dad really just got used to it (hell, I really just got used to it? Being myself isn’t really an option where I come from) and I love him more than ever. He’s still not completely comfortable with it, he was never super masculine himself, but his endurance of something so foreign to him means the world to me.
I think I’ll send this to him.

By: Bedford Hope

Bedford Hope — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:07:30 +0000

I am 46 years old, a product of a time and a place; we had kids late. Surrounded by suburban conformity, I never knew anyone who was openly gay; there was no one out at my high-school, let alone my middle school. Am I making excuses? I guess so! It’s one of the reasons I bother to do this, though. If I hadn’t struggled, there would be nothing to write about.

I’m glad your son has you. Thanks for your kind words.

By: Rob

Rob — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:46:46 +0000

Mr. Hope, thank you for sharing your story and insights into dealing with gender variance. As the father of a gender variant boy I appreciate your words and perspective. While I have not had the same struggle as you, learning to accept our children ‘as they are’ is a lesson that every parent needs to learn. The last 3 paragraphs of “Before I Got It’ are heart wrenching yet inspiring. There is much for people to learn from your words. I will continue reading-thank you!

By: Bedford Hope

Bedford Hope — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 02:24:05 +0000

I saw your blog too, from Sarah. I’m going to link to you in my supportive parents blogroll. The more of us out here sharing stories the better! Thanks for your kind words.

By: labelsareforjars

labelsareforjars — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 01:50:53 +0000

Just came here via Sarah Hoffman. So very moved by your love, support, and honesty around your son. I write, too, about a boy who pushes gender norms — more of a pink boy, I think. Not sure, but chronicling this journey is so important. Thanks for being a voice out there that creates community along the way.

By: Bedford Hope

Bedford Hope — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 01:49:09 +0000

It was sort of a mutual thing. The business squabble was probably more important than the homophobia. I was working through the end of my high-paying career as a tech-bubble guy, and a lot of relationships went sour around then. I don’t blame him. I do sometimes miss him. Thanks for your kind thoughts.

By: michelle

michelle — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 00:04:35 +0000

I’m sorry your friend bailed on you. I’ve experienced it coming out of my closet (a couple of times), and it’s not fun, or fair. Honestly, I feel bad for him. He lost his chance to be his own person, and to accept his friend, and his friend’s family, for who they are.

But you have a damn good perspective on it. I would, however, say this. It’s not about you, when they turn away. It’s about them. It’s ALL about them. And yes, you do have a right to expect those closest to you to stick with you. And when they don’t, we’ll, that’s THEIR shit. Not yours.