Comments on: The Fear

By: Bedford Hope

Bedford Hope — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:51:12 +0000

If there is one message I’d like parents to take from this, it is to get support; this is an area where, in many cases, professionals are hard to find who can really do much for a lot of people. Some therapists will do more harm than good. Peer support works wonders. When I found the lists, it felt as I had laid down a huge weight I hadn’t known I was carrying.

By: Miles' Mama

Miles' Mama — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 04:44:00 +0000

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TransKidsFamily/

I found the group above the night our 24 yr old daughter told us she was transgender . I was up all night trying to find any and all information I could about a subject I had never heard much about. They have been a sanity saving, venting, ranting, screaming, crying, advice giving, sympathetic source of information and incredible support. I really don’t know what might have happened had I not found them when I did. All of its members are parents of transgender ‘kids’ of all ages, and they have been and are still going through journey with their kids. I think as a result of this group’s support and information, my husband and I are able to better understand why our daughter is now our son. I am glad someone on that website posted a link to yours. You write wonderfully.
And to the trans teen, give your parents one of these groups links.. it really does help.

By: Bedford Hope

Bedford Hope — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 01:43:51 +0000

Thanks wavygrass. I’m willing to email with any parent who wants to discuss the process of coming to acceptance. Mainly I’d recommend joining a listserve, at TYFA, transfamily, or the CNMC, which I link to.

You have probably seen this information before:

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/teen-talk/lesbian-gay-bisexual-trans/coming-out-your-parents-26319.htm

it describes a sort of safety checklist about coming out to your parents as a teen. I want you to make sure you have the support you need to do this without risking your future. I’m not qualified to say much about this, really, I am not a counselor, psychologist, or therapist. But you have my best wishes, and the perhaps ineffective prayers of an agnostic. Be careful. Life is long; for some kids waiting a few years is probably the safest thing. It’s up to you of course. Be sure of yourself. Take care.

By: F.

F. — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 19:50:27 +0000

Thanks a lot for writing this blog. I’m a trans teenager and I want to come out to my parents soon. I’m probably going to send them links to several of your articles, such as this one.

PS: Oscar is one of my new heroes.

By: Ryan Radclyffe-Hall

Ryan Radclyffe-Hall — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 01:06:40 +0000

You don’t have to move people very far to save kid’s lives.

That is very true.

By: Bedford Hope

Bedford Hope — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 20:28:19 +0000

Thanks for the link! I need to start a new section in my blogroll, friends, fellow travelers, something. I’ll do it now. Writing is my way of working through the fears, and my own lingering traces of homo and trans phobia. I am an imperfect parent and person; I think that a lot of the suppression and rejection of GLTBQ youth occurs because of a lack of support, a lack of community; I think many people suppress their children with the best of intentions, with love in their hearts. Which is what drives me crazy. Because I know if parents had support and community, they wouldn’t. Even if they had qualms, even if they were homophobic, trans phobic, if the community they lived in, if the air they breathed, had enough acceptance in it, they’d act differently. Research I’ve heard quoted at gender conferences suggests that there is a world of difference between an ambivalent parent, and a truly rejecting parent. You don’t have to move people very far to save kid’s lives. If you can move people from ‘you are going to burn eternally in hell,’ to ‘I don’t agree with your decisions but I still love you and you’re my kid,’ you can move kids from a serious suicide risk to something approaching the baseline.

So, I write this for those parents who are looking for an excuse to accept their kids.

And of course, I write this blog for J.D. Salinger’s Fat Lady. http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/J._D._Salinger

By: Ryan Radclyffe-Hall

Ryan Radclyffe-Hall — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 17:11:14 +0000

I just wanted to let you know that I linked your blog from my website today. I love the way your write, and the message you are sending about raising gender non-conforming kids is absolutely inspirational.