Comments on: The Day The World Didn’t End http://www.acceptingdad.com/2009/10/03/the-day-the-world-didnt-end/ A Father's Journey to Acceptance of his Gender-Nonconforming Son Tue, 17 Jan 2012 19:44:37 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: admin http://www.acceptingdad.com/2009/10/03/the-day-the-world-didnt-end/comment-page-1/#comment-89 admin Sat, 05 Dec 2009 03:58:51 +0000 http://www.acceptingdad.com/?p=133#comment-89 thank you! There's all this stuff you just get used to, you get over, and before you do, you wonder if you can, and afterwards, you wonder what you were being a big baby about. I think there are many parents who just need to know that the bad feelings go away, and the love doesn't; you might just have to work at it for awhile. In my support groups I see it, over and over again, these heart broken parents of transgender children, who go through the process, and arrive on the other side, and are happy and whole again. So much of this support happens sort of invisibly in these little communities. I'm trying to share the experience, so people know, they can do it, too. I'm not a super-good person, see. I'm pretty average, in terms of goodness. I screw up a lot and do stuff I'm sometimes not proud of. But I could do this. Which means most people can. thank you! There’s all this stuff you just get used to, you get over, and before you do, you wonder if you can, and afterwards, you wonder what you were being a big baby about. I think there are many parents who just need to know that the bad feelings go away, and the love doesn’t; you might just have to work at it for awhile.

In my support groups I see it, over and over again, these heart broken parents of transgender children, who go through the process, and arrive on the other side, and are happy and whole again. So much of this support happens sort of invisibly in these little communities. I’m trying to share the experience, so people know, they can do it, too.

I’m not a super-good person, see. I’m pretty average, in terms of goodness. I screw up a lot and do stuff I’m sometimes not proud of. But I could do this. Which means most people can.

]]> By: David http://www.acceptingdad.com/2009/10/03/the-day-the-world-didnt-end/comment-page-1/#comment-88 David Sat, 05 Dec 2009 00:01:29 +0000 http://www.acceptingdad.com/?p=133#comment-88 hi bedford. i don't really know what i want to say, except that your stories bring me to tears, tears that your child has two such fantastic parents, people that love him unconditionally, and will always be there for him. congratulations to you, and to oscar for being who he is. hi bedford. i don’t really know what i want to say, except that your stories bring me to tears, tears that your child has two such fantastic parents, people that love him unconditionally, and will always be there for him. congratulations to you, and to oscar for being who he is.

]]> By: Bedford Hope http://www.acceptingdad.com/2009/10/03/the-day-the-world-didnt-end/comment-page-1/#comment-67 Bedford Hope Mon, 09 Nov 2009 21:27:08 +0000 http://www.acceptingdad.com/?p=133#comment-67 we're lucky to be in our city; we've made some sacrifices to be here, but honestly, we didn't come her for the kids. Though now we can ever leave. :-) We've confronted confusion, ignorance, very little out and out hatred. We've seen it a few times, not in our neighborhood or school so much. In central park in NYC, I looked away for five minutes and a kid was holding my kid down with this raised fist. I scared him off. It shook me. When I used to bring him into the boys room at the pool, I saw some hatred, barely contained, in they eyes of other kids; my son seemed oblivious, but he no longer goes in mens rooms. Even if he has to hide some to be safe in school, let him know that with you he can be anything he wants or needs to be with you; make a safe place for him to dress up, relax. Be clear that you only want him to be safe. It's a double message, but in some places that is the best you can do. PFLAG, gay-straight alliances, on-line support groups; you might be able to find a kid like yours an hour drive away; meet another family in a park or at some local attraction. Once the kids spend a few days with kids like themselves, they are more confident; it's life changing. It may be a pain in the ass to do it, but if you can do it even once a year, that's a good thing. we’re lucky to be in our city; we’ve made some sacrifices to be here, but honestly, we didn’t come her for the kids. Though now we can ever leave. :-)

We’ve confronted confusion, ignorance, very little out and out hatred. We’ve seen it a few times, not in our neighborhood or school so much. In central park in NYC, I looked away for five minutes and a kid was holding my kid down with this raised fist. I scared him off. It shook me.

When I used to bring him into the boys room at the pool, I saw some hatred, barely contained, in they eyes of other kids; my son seemed oblivious, but he no longer goes in mens rooms.

Even if he has to hide some to be safe in school, let him know that with you he can be anything he wants or needs to be with you; make a safe place for him to dress up, relax. Be clear that you only want him to be safe. It’s a double message, but in some places that is the best you can do.

PFLAG, gay-straight alliances, on-line support groups; you might be able to find a kid like yours an hour drive away; meet another family in a park or at some local attraction. Once the kids spend a few days with kids like themselves, they are more confident; it’s life changing. It may be a pain in the ass to do it, but if you can do it even once a year, that’s a good thing.

]]> By: timetodance http://www.acceptingdad.com/2009/10/03/the-day-the-world-didnt-end/comment-page-1/#comment-66 timetodance Mon, 09 Nov 2009 19:41:05 +0000 http://www.acceptingdad.com/?p=133#comment-66 THANK YOU! Thank you for posting this.. for discussing openly and for giving those of us who need to hear this a place to listen! I'm standing behind my own son.. not sure what to do.. how to deal with the hate that seems to surround us (and living close to where Matthew Sheppard incident happened). It's hard.. and what do you say to folks.. HEY mind your own business.. leave him alone.. why are you so hateful! I don't have a response yet.. he's young still but i'm trying to let him be who he is! THANK YOU! Thank you for posting this.. for discussing openly and for giving those of us who need to hear this a place to listen!
I’m standing behind my own son.. not sure what to do.. how to deal with the hate that seems to surround us (and living close to where Matthew Sheppard incident happened).
It’s hard.. and what do you say to folks.. HEY mind your own business.. leave him alone.. why are you so hateful!

I don’t have a response yet.. he’s young still but i’m trying to let him be who he is!

]]> By: admin http://www.acceptingdad.com/2009/10/03/the-day-the-world-didnt-end/comment-page-1/#comment-57 admin Sun, 08 Nov 2009 15:57:15 +0000 http://www.acceptingdad.com/?p=133#comment-57 I'm doing OK now; my only problem is The Fear. (Matthew Sheppard.) I wanna share my transformation (which to be honest, isn't as dramatic as some I've seen.) because I think there are parents out there that WANT to do the right thing, who are aching too, who only need the smallest sliver of support, of validation. Thanks for your kind words; I think the supportive comments probably help those who are conflicted as much or more than me running my mouth. I’m doing OK now; my only problem is The Fear. (Matthew Sheppard.) I wanna share my transformation (which to be honest, isn’t as dramatic as some I’ve seen.) because I think there are parents out there that WANT to do the right thing, who are aching too, who only need the smallest sliver of support, of validation.

Thanks for your kind words; I think the supportive comments probably help those who are conflicted as much or more than me running my mouth.

]]> By: Em http://www.acceptingdad.com/2009/10/03/the-day-the-world-didnt-end/comment-page-1/#comment-56 Em Sun, 08 Nov 2009 15:41:47 +0000 http://www.acceptingdad.com/?p=133#comment-56 How wonderful that you're learning to embrace the uniqueness of your child. He will grow up knowing he is loved for his true nature & he will thrive for it. Hang in there. It sounds like you're handling this just fine. How wonderful that you’re learning to embrace the uniqueness of your child. He will grow up knowing he is loved for his true nature & he will thrive for it. Hang in there. It sounds like you’re handling this just fine.

]]> By: Mary http://www.acceptingdad.com/2009/10/03/the-day-the-world-didnt-end/comment-page-1/#comment-18 Mary Sat, 10 Oct 2009 03:17:36 +0000 http://www.acceptingdad.com/?p=133#comment-18 I'm proud of you, Dad -- and happy for Oscar that he can be his own person! I’m proud of you, Dad — and happy for Oscar that he can be his own person!

]]> By: Cynthia McCabe http://www.acceptingdad.com/2009/10/03/the-day-the-world-didnt-end/comment-page-1/#comment-15 Cynthia McCabe Mon, 05 Oct 2009 18:28:00 +0000 http://www.acceptingdad.com/?p=133#comment-15 Hello, I'm a writer working on a piece for a national public education reporting website about how teachers can best work with students who don't conform to gender stereotypes around dress, mannerisms, activities, etc. I'm looking for parents of children whose teachers have handled this particularly well (or not well at all and you think that can be instructive for others). Would you mind emailing me Monday or Tuesday at cmccabe@nea.org? Thank you! Hello, I’m a writer working on a piece for a national public education reporting website about how teachers can best work with students who don’t conform to gender stereotypes around dress, mannerisms, activities, etc. I’m looking for parents of children whose teachers have handled this particularly well (or not well at all and you think that can be instructive for others). Would you mind emailing me Monday or Tuesday at cmccabe@nea.org? Thank you!

]]>