Comments on: Tomgirls vs. The Thing Without A Name

By: admin

admin — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 01:40:05 +0000

Thank you for commenting. I’ve heard of the term genderqueer, and met a few people who identify that way. I was thinking that the term was somehow reserved for adults, in the way that gay and lesbian are properly reserved for sexually active adults, but I see now that genderqueer doesn’t speak to sexual preference at all, and like transgender, it can be used on to describe a child without sexualizing the child. Somehow it sounds sort of grown-up, though! We’re so careful when using words around kids; trying not to bind them with labels and at the same time acknowledging their identities. We lack a language for all this. Thank you for pointing out something I should have understood better.

By: M Berry

M Berry — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 01:21:14 +0000

As an adult who struggled with the very things your children are going through, I can tell you that there is another term that has entered the arena for the adults, and that is gender-queer. I am in the beginning stages of researching it, but I can tell you that I believe this is where I identify as are some friends of mine who grew up, always being the tomboy. It was never that I felt I was born in the wrong body, because I absolutely identify with being a female in body, but I definately walk the line internally, embodying both male and female attributes, preferring to dress in boys clothing, etc. I commend you and labelsareforjars for allowing your children to be themselves without being judged or treated differently. I can only hope that I am able to be half the parent to my children that you are to yours. I’m glad that you both got some press in a recent NYtimes article, and I hope to continue following the journey.

I am so grateful that we are progressing as a society and moving towards acceptance (albeit slowly). I can’t help but wonder how much easier my childhood would have been to have been accepted and not shunned for being “different”.

Thank you for sharling your lives so openly.

By: Bedford Hope

Bedford Hope — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 02:53:48 +0000

Thanks! There was a time when I thought that the ‘holding open options’ thing was a cop out for people too weak to accept the reality of ‘born in the wrong body.’ But as I listened to parents on the various list serves I belong to, and met some kids in transition, I began to see that my son wasn’t exactly like some of these other kids. Gender variant kids may be gender variant for a variety of reasons, it would seem. Sometimes the boy in a dress is a boy in a dress; sometimes she’s a girl in a dress on a body that needs some tweaking. Sometimes, perhaps most of the time, the boy in the dress will one day identify as gay. But not all the time! So; the boy in the dress may be trans or cisgendered (normative); gay or straight.

Gender variance means something, but we cannot know what it means immediately. We wait and see.

Human beings are very bad at this wait and see thing. They need support in this situation. Which I why I urge parents of gender variant kids to seek out communities to share their feelings with. These communities, by the way, are very non-judgemental. The ones I belong to are supportive of parents decisions, across the spectrum. The only thing we all have in common in our parenting is the knowledge that these feelings are deep, important, no one’s fault, and that we must struggle to find the best way to help our kids make their way safely through their childhoods. Different kids, different environments, different cultures, demand different responses. But we can all help each other. At the core, we accept. Then we work out the best compromise our situation allows.

By: Summarizing the mission « Labels are for Jars

Summarizing the mission « Labels are for Jars — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 01:51:26 +0000

[...] always good to renew that purpose, that mission, so I figured I’d link it here. Thanks for these words, [...]

By: labelsareforjars

labelsareforjars — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 01:47:59 +0000

Right along with you and Sarah on this journey…you explain things so eloquently here, I need to do a direct link to this page. A summary of the mission, if you will…