Comments on: The Boy Skirt

By: school grants

school grants — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 03:06:33 +0000

this post is very usefull thx!

By: ejayo

ejayo — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 19:25:12 +0000

Thanks for the comments! The bar for being a good parent of a GLBTQ kid is set so low I have a hard time taking much comfort in the compliments, of course. Hah. Don’t kick them out? Love them? Don’t try to change something that is unchangeable? Stand up for them? MY GOD YOU’RE A HERO.

Honestly, I want to find the parents who don’t do these things and just beat the living crap out of them. Grow up for god’s sake. Change churches if you have to. Man.

By: Cultist of Vertigo

Cultist of Vertigo — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 00:11:22 +0000

Okay, last comment I leave here for now.

I just wanted to say that this is a freaking awesome story. Everything was handled just great. You’re nervous about what to do, you can’t stop him from being himself, but you’re worried about bullies, and all this, and you’re neighboor has this wierd compromise skirt that sounds like a cop out, but then everything works out anyways.

Man, it sounds like you’re really struggling with doing things right, but in every one of these posts you consistently end up with a totally happy and well-adjusted son who has no problems operating in the world.

It’s just so cool, is all. You should get some sort of award, manssss.

By: Bob Moore

Bob Moore — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 16:07:31 +0000

Oscar is a very fortunate little boy to have parents who love him enough to let him discover who he really is. Many kids are shaped and bent by their well meaning parents into their idea of how or what the kid should be without giving a moments thought to who the kid inherently is. I’m betting that Oscar will be a well adjusted individual.

By: ejayo

ejayo — Tue, 18 May 2010 12:31:28 +0000

Poorly worded, your right. I guess what I would say is that rigidly defined gender stereotypes in our culture is associated with some violent activity; homophobes and those who commit violence against GLTBQ people frequently use a ‘gay panic’ defense, which I think, suggests that rigidity here can be a problem, though we’re mixing gender identity and sexual preference. Bashers tend to mix these things up of course.
I don’t think I said all hyper-masculine people were compensating for repressed gender identity. You seem to want to be angry with me for some reason. In my mailing list experience, as I’ve listened to the life stories of dozens of families and thousands of individuals over the last ten years, quite a few people who transition later in life have been over compensators. So. There you go.
Violence in America is a complex phenomena. Conservatives like to blame our violence on a violent media culture, but as you say, Japan has a very violent (and pedophiliac) media culture in manga and anime and very little actual violence. Our melting pot, racial and ethnic tension, wealth disparity, history of slavery, gun culture, popular culture, so many things make our country different from the rest of the world. Our embrace of the new, the speed with which our culture changes, the shock that creates, is another thing that comes to mind.
As to whether rigid gender roles are good or bad for the culture at large, I ague they’re bad, as the realities that created them (strong divisions between women’s work and mens work based on upper body strength and access to eduction, for example) are simply no longer true. We know empirically that women and men are of equal intelligence for all practical purpose.
There’s nothing wrong with being hypermasculine; if one can do it without being a violent homophobe, of course. Your right to swing your fist ends at my, and my son’s, nose.
A woman who was violent and homophobic would piss me off, too.
The violence directed at GLBTQ people is real, and on the rise. This is the violence I have a problem with. Choosing to be yourself, in the face of this violence I think is brave. Attempting to protect those brave people is my mission. You have a problem with that?

By: Lelo7

Lelo7 — Tue, 18 May 2010 11:12:13 +0000

Bedford Hope: “gender roles contribute to male violence”

I wonder how do you account for the lack of violence among the most rigid gender role societies? Are you aware that Japan has a very low rate of violence? Japanese society is one of the most rigid when it comes to gender roles. The mormons in Utah are extremely rigid in re gender roles. So by your reasoning they should be among the most violent. Actually it’s the opposite.

As for your absurdly unfair and ridiculous assertion that men who become marines, firefighters, bodybuilders, etc, are “overcompensating”, that just shows your own prejudices. do you also believe that women who become firefighters, marines, bodybuilders, are also “over compensating” for their own femininity?

If you’re opposed to violence, do you also criticize the “kick ass” movie/tv heroines that feminists are so fond of praising? Yeah, right.

By: ejayo

ejayo — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 03:37:33 +0000

heterosexual crossdresser is one of the possible outcomes which you come to terms with. When you think of the serious challenges faced by so many parents and children, life-threatening illness, learning disability, etc, the notion a person’s clothing preference could somehow be this epic tragedy is…astonishing. But we have been so…acculturated, so programmed, homophobia is so strong, that it permeates our feelings about crossdressing, even when the cross-dressers aren’t homosexual! Cross dressing is often portrayed as a purely sexual paraphilia, independent of gender identity, which I have come to think misses the point. But I’m an amateur at all this. I’ll know more as I go along.

By: Robert

Robert — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 17:53:19 +0000

I agree in part with “Bedford Hope”. The over compensation of male violence is caused by the forced suppression of the transgendered males feminine side. They do strike out on occasion. It is like a stram pipe, build up to much pressure and eventually somethings going to give way. Compelling masculine behavior in a transgendered child is going to explode eventually. Parents like Oscars are few and far between. Most will seek psychological help, blame themselves and some have gone as far as disowning their own children. If more parents were like Oscars maybe a lot of this homophobic thinking would subside or even disappear. A boy in a skirt or dress is just that, it doesn’t mean he is gay or a crossdresser, it just means he is being who he is at the time. At Oscars tender age, he doesn’t know if he going to be gay, he knows nothing of transvestism, all he knows is that it nice, its pretty, and he is comfortable with himself. Don’t try to over analyze the situation, let him be. As he grows up there are probably going to be other issues that will require greater understanding and strenght

By: Bedford Hope

Bedford Hope — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 14:52:02 +0000

There’s no doubt that rigid stereotypical gender roles contribute to a male violence. Ironically, some of the most stereotypically male are transgender people overcompensating! So many late-transitioning transexuals have lived lives as body-builders, bikers, marines, cops, firemen. Not that there’s anything wrong with those things; it’s just sad when people feel compelled to hide behind the mask of gender, rather than being more truly who they feel they could be, should be, would like to be, inside.

By: robert

robert — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 13:54:53 +0000

I think it is wonderful that you have allowed your son to explore his other side. Most fathers would be screaming and yelling like some crazed banshee. Most guys fail to realize that a child recieves half of his genetics from his mother, therefore does have a “femenine side”. If more parents, instead of surrounding their sons with all masculine toys, would also buy them girls toys like dolls and teasets, just maybe there would be less male aggression against their female counterparts.