Second Puberty Kickstarter

by Bedford Hope on September 1, 2015

This is a worthy project; HRT therapy in trans individuals is life-saving, transformative, and poorly understood by the general public. While the focus it to produce content for trans individuals themselves, I have no doubt that this video would be tremendously useful for the friends and families of trans people as well; the light-hearted approach is a good idea; so much medical information comes wrapped in a stigmatizing wrapper; clinical language has a tendency to pathologize that which it describes. The mindset here would seem a good antidote to that tendency.


Teenage Angst and Where to Go From Here

by ejayo on July 27, 2015

A quick heads up.

My child isn’t comfortable with me blogging about his experiences at this point; I leave this up as a pointer to the existing posts and resources, but I’m not maintaining it. People with pressing issues should look to the sidebar, for support groups.

You need a support group, if you’re the parent of a GLBTQ kid; other parents of kids your age. PFLAG is great, but the issues of gender non-conformity, gender identity, are confusing for many even in the gay and lesbian communities, so finding support that is specific to your child’s circumstance is important.

Progressive parts of the culture seems to be moving towards an embrace of the idea of the transgender child, which some supportive professionals find problematic. Most gender non-conforming behavior, traditionally, has been associated with same-sex attracted outcomes.

IE, kids who seem different in this way often end up identifying as gay.

You will need to discover, how best to support your child, how best to come to your understanding of his or her behavior, and you should open to the idea that while we must listen and reflect our kids identities, the kids themselves need time to figure it all out.

There’s no short cut. It doesn’t matter how cool or on-board you are, it doesn’t matter that gay marriage is legal and trans people are on TV, it is still unbelievably hard to come out, to be authentic, to be different, and we don’t really know, even now, what all this really means.

I can say, that traditionally, most gender non conformity is associated with people who will one day identify as gay, but nobody knows for sure; will we ‘encourage’ transgender people into existence, who might have, in the old days, identified as gay?

And, if we don’t grant children this self-determination, and we discover, in twenty years, that hormone disruptors / pollutants had vastly increased the number of transgender people, what will we think then, about our caution now?

As parents you will have to find your way through this, to some sort of peace, some sort of understanding. Be kind to yourself on the way, if  you can.

Love your child. Hold open options as long as you can. Let kids know, about the different ways to be a boy, or a girl; get your kid therapy if they experience dysphoria; be open to the possibility of a trans outcome; be open to the possibility of a gay outcome; be open. Be loving. Be kind.

Don’t assume another kid’s story will be your kids story. And vice versa. Do not judge parents of other children for coming to different conclusions.

Don’t be afraid of ambiguity.

Don’t be a afraid of not knowing perfectly the future.

My kid is seventeen. He is insecure, in some ways, about his future, college and career, but he also knows himself, and there’s a pillar of strength inside him.

When a friend needed him, recently, making a comment on social media, he was the only one who responded appropriately. Can’t give details, but we were so proud of him.

My kid is a great person. Imperfect, but great.

His story is his own. I’m proud to have been part of it.

That’s it for now.










Where We Are Now

January 19, 2014

I have taken a step or two back from this blog for a number of reasons. My wife and son have never been crazy about it, but as a writer, they gave me the space to write about this, under this pseudonym, and so far there have been no repercussions. We’ve turned down the offers […]

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To the Unicorn’s Dad

August 5, 2013

I got a note from a kid who just came out as Trans, who asked for a post to his father. This is it. I hope it is useful. Dear Father of an Exceptional Child, You don’t know me, and I don’t know you, but first of all, I’m very glad that you didn’t freak […]

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Kickstarter OUT Youth Theater Project Tells A New Story

April 5, 2013

This documentary film moves beyond the boilerplate feel-good progressive boosterism by capturing the voices of the kids themselves. Who are these young people? What is their experience? Where are we really, in this moment in time? Where are we all in this journey? Why not spend some time with these young people, their friends and […]

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Be A Man

March 7, 2013

We must be swift as a coursing river BE A MAN With all the force of a great typhoon BE A MAN With all the strength of a raging fire Mysterious as the dark side of the moon –Mulan, 1998, Walt Disney Pictures We’re re-watching the Disney canon with Oscar, at his insistence, and enjoying […]

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Girl Things: Accepting Dad in Convenient Book Form

February 27, 2013

I am editing Accepting Dad into a book titled Girl Things. The book will feature revised (and copyedited, finally) content from the blog arranged so as to tell a chronological story, with several additional essays included. I will be pulling most of the blog content contained in Girl Things, with the exception of a sample […]

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REVIEW: Gender Born, Gender Made by Diane Ehrensaft, Ph.D.

June 17, 2011

The cover of my review copy of Dr. Diane Ehrensaft’s new book, Gender Born, Gender Made might have been made from one of my family’s snapshots. The presumably male-bodied toddler with the tutu worn over his pants peers quizzically into the camera’s eye, evoking a shiver of recognition. I know that kid. He could have […]

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New Study Confirms Supportive Parenting Does Not Hurt Gender Non-Conforming Children

January 12, 2010

I’ve had the opportunity to read a draft of a recent study by Hill, D.B., Menvielle, E., Sica, K.M., &  Johnson, A. (2010), of children in different therapeutic environments published in The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy shows that supportive / accepting parenting is associated with lower rates of mental illness. From the abstract: When […]

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The Tomgirl Profile: Commonalities among gender-variant or gender non-conforming boys

September 29, 2009

As supportive parents find each other through mailing lists on the internet (see the CNMC and Transkidsfamily) we share stories about our kids, and the problems they face— and the problems we face being thier parents. Over the years a profile builds up, qualities that many of these boys seem to share. We are astonished […]

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